Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Dish 5: Fried Pregnant Fish

I see a scantly clad waitress pass by with a dish that caught my interest. It is serendipity really. The Taiwanese have very odd beer food. Tendons, stinky tofu, chicken livers. Sure offal is the rage in haute cuisine, but the Asians have been frying the unmentionables for decades. But there is one item, just one, that has lodged itself in the shriveled olive that is my heart and that is “Fried Pregnant Fish.”

I am not exactly sure what is the name of this dish; in fact, I am not sure what type of fish I am writing about. It is akin to a sardine and fried - head to tail. You eat it in two to three bites. People have rituals when eating certain foods. I recently went out on a date with someone who had to cut an apple into matchsticks before consumption. I have a ritual too. The first bite, and always the first bite, I decapitate the sardine. With its head perfectly removed, you can peer inside, and you will discover the roe; hence, pregnant fish. With my culinary endeavor I have become an abortionist.

I don’t know why I like this dish so much. Sure it is delicious, but I actively seek it out in all Chinese restaurants (provided I am with company that can stomach my feats of gastronomic genocide). I think it is just romantic to talk about this dish. In one singular bite you get life and birth. Add to the fact that it is the season of Lent, and fish and Christ run together, and you will get any symbologist to shoot his wad.

So what am I doing for Lent? My brother asked me this question over – fish tacos. According to my church instead of giving up something, I should do something positive. Like, learn to say “good morning” to a stranger for 40 days. I never follow the positive route in the past. I don’t know why. Maybe it is emblematic of why I am damaged. Lately I have been a very angry person. For some reason a confluence of events have funneled into my life and I have been swept up, leaving me very bitter and angry:

I am mad that my Ex dumped me and has found two relationships, while I still floating in flotsam and jetsam of loneliness.
I am mad that S never thanked me for dinner.
I am mad that S invited him and never said “sorry.”
I am mad that P only has 10 mins to talk.
I am mad that $300 got deducted without a thank you.
I am mad that my solar stocks are not going up.
I am mad at fuel prices.
I am mad at C for calling me out.
I am mad that Season 3 of True Blood sucked.
I am mad about Chinatown.

Now, Dear Reader, I am not being facetious. I am really mad about these things. If you talk to me about Season 3, I will go into an uncontrollable frenzy. But it is about the people that really get to me. A friend not thanking me for dinner has taken up 2 months of angst and frustration. There were nights were I went to sleep with clenched fists. Angry, and really, why? I mean my life is not too difficult or taxing. I could be in the northern corner of Japan, or Libya. I could be born in the wrong side of the California/Mexico border. I make more money than I did last; how many people can say that. If I wanted to go to business school tomorrow, I can. In three years I could be in Rome living in a villa and learning a beautiful language. I can.

So why be so angry about protocol or feelings. I got dumped. But really, I am petty and mean, of course I will get dumped. He is not petty.

S doesn’t understand protocol. So what? We don’t live in the Han Dynasty.

Eat the fish, and let go. Not just for 40 days.

1 comment:

  1. I love the fish as well.

    As for your anger issues, I apologize if I am being over-familiar, but it does seem like you could use a good lesbian life coach.

    I am younger than you, and make less money, so perhaps there isn't much reason to listen to what I say, but if I were to suggest a trend, it seems like the most grievous of your anger stems from other people. From their actions or their lack thereof.

    I feel like I can sympathize, and in the past I have become upset at different things, some might call petty. It would seem a simple thank you or sorry should be easy enough to say, yet why the hell can't they say it? Such things have bothered me as well. It would be nice to know my efforts were at least appreciated.

    There is no excuse for not understanding protocol, unless they were raised in a different culture where protocol is different. If not, then they just have no tact. The Han Dynasty had its protocol, and we have ours.

    Most people will tell you to suck it up, or learn to let go. I take a different route. If said person causes more anger or pain than pleasure, then from a practical standpoint, someone like that isn't needed in your life.

    I have cast off the majority of my friends for that reason, and find that the company of my own solitude is oftentimes more pleasureable than being with people.

    Of course, that means enjoying loneliness, and finding comfort being just by yourself, which is something most people are adverse to. I don't know which way you lean.

    I believe that happiness comes from within, and not something that should be dependent on others.

    Once again, sorry for the long comment. And if you don't want something like this from me in the future, please let me know. It'd just be nice to see you happy, regardless of the means.