Monday, December 28, 2009

Do We All Have A Mr. Big

Do We All Have A Mr. Big

A quick Google search for the term “Mr. Big” brought some interesting results. But they all seem to have one vein in common – violence. For example, The Online Slang Dictionary defines “Mr. Big” as a very important person; similarly, another entry holds that the term Mr. Big refers to some high-up in the mafia. Videogames continued this trend when SNK made “Mr. Big” a sub-boss in the Art of Fighting Series. Don’t mess with Big because he will cap you in the knees.

But lets face it. Today, when we hear "Mr. Big," we do not think of Don Corleone. We think of Chris Noth. We think of Sex and the City (SATC). We have the image of the character that Carrie Bradshaw defined as, "the next Donald Trump" and "major tycoon, major dreamboat, and majorly out of [her] league." After three days of ruminating, and numerous discussions with many intelligent friends, I ask the question do we all have a Mr. Big?

Now, I like to state off the bat that this entry is not exclusive to women and certain subsets of gays. I attempted to find a “Mrs./Miss/Ms. Big.” I got nothing. I found a Ms. Big Booty on Myspace. I think my computer still has crabs after I clicked on that profile. But I presume that my discussion will apply to men as much as women. But maybe not, which might be the reason why Twilight appeals to me and not my brother.

The germ of this discussion occurred when I was talking to a very dear friend of mine. As always, if I am not complaining about work, I am complaining about the lack of bf prospects. Recently I came across a fellow who had very similar interests to mine. For example, he referred to himself as a Red Mage, “which is problematic because I can only get up to Lit 2.” Dear Reader, if you have no idea what I am talking about, that is totally understandable. Dear Reader, if you know what I am talking about, you understand why I am writing about Mr. Big. Needless, to say, we had a lot of shared interests. I think my cats liked him. He was good to waiters. Fun to be around. He was even knowledgeable about movies, comics, and books. He even went toe-to-toe with me about my views regarding the New Testament. I would also like to add that he is quite attractive. So all-in-all he is “way out of my league.” Why the hell are we even shopping at Whole Food Together. As Jack Farland said “He is the rare hot gay nerd.” Well things were going well, but things had to end. It is not like I was diagnosed with cancer, or decide to date women. Instead, it ended because he has to go to California for an advancement in his career. I really don’t begrudge him that. I told him I would do the same thing, and I mean it. But I asked my friend, is this guy my “Mr. Big?”

My friend does not think so, she argued that if he is my Big, then he will come back and we will be together. I also reminded her that there is a sequel in the works, meaning something happens to the relationship. She thinks I am crazy. Now I didn’t poll her, but I spoke to many of my female friends about this issue, and they all concur, they all have a Big – and they are not with Big. In fact with the exception of a friend who met her husband on Myspace (out of all places), I can say nobody ends up with Big, and that is fucked up.

Now there are three reasons to us not ending up with Big.

(1). Big is merely a romantic character dreamed up by some dried up man-hating crone. It is merely fiction, stop being such a Mo.’

(2). We don’t end up with Big because we settle.

(3). The Fates make it impossible to get Big.

Argument 1 is probably the one that heterosexual men would avail themselves with. Why else is there no Miss Big. No girl is outside their league. But the problem with Argument 1 is that so many people can relate to Carrie Bradshaw. And if that is the case, then you can’t just argue “It is just fiction.” It is intellectually lazy.

Argument 3 is quite possible and quite possibly the most heart wrenching. One of my best friends lost her bf in Vandy because after graduation he went to study in Japan. She stayed in Nashville. They broke up. Torrid romance occurred. I played the role of Will to her Grace.

But here is the funny thing about Argument 2, there were chances for her to end up with Big. Even when she was engaged to her fiancé (current husband), there was a mild transgression. They even talked about being together and being the ultimate power-couple. But something told her to stick with her proverbial Aiden, she settled, and chose and number 2. But here is the secret, she still talks about Big once awhile. That is fucked up.

I would like to attempt to seek solace by arguing that my friend is just a whore. Maybe she just married the wrong person. But then how do you explain the fact that many of my friends explain they have a Big, and they are now with Big. If that is the case. Why don’t we go to Big. Is it because Big is an asshole, and Aiden is safe? Do we want stability over the guy who is “way out of our league”? You would think no; hence, why is all of our folklore centered around the proverbial Princess or Prince Charming.

So why, why do we let our Big get away even when we get a chance? And if I don't have a chance, "way out of my league" or across the nation. Then what do I do? Move on? Become a romantic zombie? Look for a Big bigger than Big --- Mr. Bigger? But really, Lit 2.

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